Amish Paradise Lyrics

As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain I take a look at my wife and realize she's very plain But that's just perfect for an Amish like me You know I shun fancy things like electricity
At 4:30 in the mornin' I'm milking cows Jedediah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows, fool And I've been milking and plowing so long that Even Ezekial thinks that my mind is gone
I'm a man of the land, I'm into discipline Got a bible in my hand and a beard on my chin But if I finish all of my chores, and you finish thine Then tonight we're going to party like it's 1699
We've been spending most our lives living in an Amish paradise I churn butter once or twice, living in an Amish paradise It's hard work and sacrifice, living in an Amish paradise We sell quilts at discount price, living in an Amish paradise
A local boy kicked me in the butt last week I just smiled at him, and I turned the other cheek I really don't care, in fact I wish him well 'Cause I'll be laughin' my head off when he's burnin' in hell
But I ain't never punched a tourist even if he deserved it An Amish with a 'tude, you know that's unheard of I never wear buttons, but I got a cool hat And my homies agree I really look good in black, fool
If you come to visit, you'll be bored to tears We haven't even payed the phone bill in 300 years But we ain't really quaint, so please don't point and stare We're just technologically impaired
There's no phone, no lights, no motorcars, not a single luxury Like Robonson Crusoe, it's as primitive as can be
We've been spending most our lives living in an Amish paradise We're just plain and simple guys, living in an Amish paradise There's no time for sin and vice, living in an Amish paradise We don't fight, we all play nice, living in an Amish paradise
Hitchin' up the buggy, churnin' lots of butter Raised a barn on Monday, soon I'll raise a nutter Think you're really righteous? Think you're pure in heart? Well, I know, I'm a million times as humble as thou art
I'm the pioust guy the little Amletts want to be like On my knees day and night scoring points for the afterlife So don't be vain, and don't be whiney Or else my brother might have to get medieval on your hiney
We've been spending most our lives living in an Amish paradise We're all crazy Mennonites, living in an Amish paradise There's no cops or traffic lights, living in an Amish paradise But you'd probably think it bites, living in an Amish paradise Yeah