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Christian Charity Lyrics

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SHERIFF: Evening folks!
SHELLEY: Whatcha got?
SHERIFF: Doctor home?
MEREDITH: No, he's not.
SHERIFF: Wen's he back?
MEREDITH: An hour or so.
SHELLEY: The heck is that?
SHERIFF: Well, I don't know.

MEREDITH: What in the world?
SHELLEY: Where did you find?
MEREDITH: What is he doing?
SHELLEY: He's out of his mind!
MEREDITH: Is he in pain?
SHELLEY: Is he insane?
SHERIFF: Maybe and possibly, let me explain.
(Sheriff knocks Bat Boy down with his pistol.)

MEREDITH AND SHELLEY: No!

SHERIFF: Aw, heck. Maybe I shouldn'tve done that.
But that boy was hoppin' like a scalded dog.

MEREDITH: Boy?

SHERIFF: Maybe. Frankly, that's why I'm here.
I figure maybe we need a veterinarian to sort this out.
I'm hoping Dr.Parker will know what to do.
I didn't know where else to take him...

SHELLEY: Mom!
MEREDITH: Shelley, quiet!

SHERIFF: Can't go to jail, he's underage.

SHELLEY: Mom!
MEREDITH: Shelley, quiet!

SHERIFF:
Folks up at the Med School, bet they'd carve him up or bake him.
I'd send the FBI a page, but I don't think we're at that stage-
So, here he is folks, he's all yours.
Couldn't leave him out of doors, creepin' on all fours.
We could always shoot him but that don't seem right to me.
'N I can't rid myself o' my Christian Charity.

SHELLEY: Can we see him?
MEREDITH: Shelley- get away!
SHERIFF: You listen to your mother, Shelley.
You don't want to be near if it wakes up.
It bit one of the Taylor kids.

MEREDITH: Shelley, don't stare- Shelley, don't poke.
What is this, sheriff, some kind of sick joke?

SHELLEY: Mom, he's so gross! Mom, can he stay?

SHERIFF: Shel, I was hopin' you'd see it that way.
I'm comin' up for re-election.

SHELLEY: Mom!
MEREDITH: Shelley, quiet!

SHERIFF: I gotta bring this thing to heel.

SHELLEY: Mom!
MEREDITH: Shelley, quiet!

SHERIFF: A boy with his complextion's gonna meet with some objections,
'N I think I know how folks will feel once they hear this "Bat Child" is for real.

SHELLEY: It's a bat child? MOM! We gotta keep it!

MEREDITH:
All right, sheriff. Dr. Parker has some cages. I'll take care of the boy for you.

SHERIFF: Ah, that's great, Meredith. I can't thank you enough for the favor.
And if he turns into a pain, call me, I've got stun guns and a chain.
SHELLEY: WHOA!
MEREDITH: OH!

SHERIFF: (overlapping) So here he is folks, he's all yours.
I couldn't leave him out of doors, creeping on all fours.
We may have to put him down-

MEREDITH: (overlapping) Don't stare, Shelley- please don't poke.
Don't touch him, Shelley, don't provoke.

SHELLEY: (overlapping) Mom! Look at him! I know but Mom...
Look at him! What's wrong with him?

ALL: For now we'll wait and see!

SHERIFF AND MEREDITH: We can't rid ourselves of our Christian Charity.

SHERIFF: (overlapping) So, here he is folks, he's all yours.
Couldn't leave him out of doors, creeping on all fours.
Those thunderclouds are closing in-

MEREDITH: (overlapping) Don't stare, Shelley, please don't poke.
Don't touch him, Shelley, don't provoke!

SHELLEY: (overlapping) MOOOOOOOOOOMMM!
MOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM!

ALL: We can't just let him be.
We can't rid ourselves of our Christian Charity.
We can't rid ourselves of our Christian Charity.

SHELLEY: Mom!
MEREDITH: Shelley, quiet!

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