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Ray Stevens

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Bridget the Midget

by Ray Stevens

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Lyrics: Well the wife went out of town 'bout a year or so back And left me at home by myself to batch And after five straight nights of TV I was ready to scream So I called up this beer drinkin' buddy of mine I said, "Bill, I ain't havin' a real good time" He said, "Why don't we go to the rasslin' matches And let off a little steam?" The main event was the Spider from parts unknown With his trusty partner, the Blue Cyclone They was takin' on a team that never had been beat Now I'd never seen the matches before And the crowd was backed up plumb out the door But me an' ol' Bill lucked out and got ringside seats Well then they rang the bell and all Hell broke loose My legs was shakin' like a rubber goose I'd never seen anything like this, not even in the war! The Cyclone put the Vulture in an airplane spin Then he body slammed him and he did it again I swear, I didn't see how that old boy could take much more It was right about then in the thick of things My buddy Bill threw a chair in the ring And that's when I knew we'd better be headin' for the door 'Cause I saw the Cyclone lookin' at us And he was rubbin' his head and he started to cuss And I knew if he caught us he'd break Bill's neck for sure Well, where we parked wasn't too far And Bill ran so fast he beat me to the car Locked the doors and wasn't about to let anybody in And I turned around and the Cyclone was there And he said, "Hey punk, you forgot your chair!" And by the look in his eyes, I knew that this was the end Then he body slammed me two or three times And he put his arms around me from behind Then he pile drived me right there in the hard concrete Broke both my arms and three of my ribs It's the closest, I've ever come to being killed And that's the last thing, I remember 'fore he put me to sleep Blue Cyclone Blue Cyclone Well, I woke up in a hospital bed just thinkin' I believe I coulda took him if I hadn't been drinkin' So the next time we meet, I won't be on no binge 'Cause I hadn't been the same since we had that fight And I see that Cyclone in my dreams at night And I'll never be satisfied 'til I get revenge So I called up Bill and told him my plan And all he said was, "Right on, man! I'd do the same darn thing if it'd been me It all happened so quick when that car door slammed It must a broke somethin', 'cause the door locks jammed You was already down, he's gone time I got free" Bill said, "Since you're thinkin' 'bout takin' him again I know two ol' boys that weigh 210 They'd take on a grizzly with a switch in the woods at night" Well, we talked it over, they said they's willin' They'd stop at nothing, short of a killin' Said, "Hoss, we'll back you as long as you wanna fight" So we all went down to the Hammerlock Bar The hangout of all the rasslin' stars And waited for the Blue Cyclone to hit the door Well, after a while, he finally appeared And sat down at the bar and ordered a beer And he barely took a sip 'fore I stepped to the middle of the floor I yelled, "Hey Cyclone! Remember me? I'm the guy you put to sleep Only this time, you can see I'm not alone, ha ha You see them two big dudes over there?" The Cyclone looked and said, "Over where?" And I turned around, I'm a son of a gun, they was gone! Well, the Cyclone looked at me and grinned He said, "Okay punk, here we go again Seems to me that some guys never learn" And then he waded through them tables and chairs Put a full-nelson on me and grabbed my hair And when he threw me to the floor, I was startin' to get concerned The next thing I remember, they was carryin' me in And the doctor said, "Oh no, you again?" I said, "Doctor, how long you think it'll be this time?" He said, "Boy, if you don't leave the Cyclone alone One of these days, you ain't goin' home! You'll need the undertaker's services, not mine" Blue Cyclone He's the meanest wrestler the ring has ever known He'll make you groan, he'll make you moan He'll lay you prone and break your bones Blue Cyclone The Blue Cyclone
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