Dancin' And Pantsin' Lyrics

When I was a young man I didn't like to dance, I was shy I'd stand against the wall all night I'd never take a chance, so afraid
I wouldn't get on that dance floor Unless I was really drunk, 10 shots But I found a place where the stars hang out And they taught me how to funk
Real nasty, it ain't too far away It's just on the edge of town, nearby But be ready when you get there 'Cause these folks don't fuck around
You can, rub your belly with Liza Minelli Covered in jelly, you're gonna rub your belly Jiggle your droopy balls with singin' Lou Rawis Bounce off the walls, then jiggle them droopy balls
Grind your hips with the blond guy from CHIPS Lick your lips Stroke it clean with Martin Sheen It's fucking obscene
Clench your ass-cheeks tight With sexy grandma Betty White You'll see the light when your sphincter's tight
If you don't know how to move Just feel the groove And dance, like you just shit your pants
Spin like a little girl With cross-dressing Milton Berle Just give it a whirl Pretend you're a little girl
Wave that juicy weeno with legendary Al Pacino Wave your weeno, even more obsceno Knock back a drink with Colonel Klink Piss in the sink
Bounce your beef with Omar Sharif What a relief Ring the disco bell with ice cream wizard Tommy Carvel Tommy Carvel gonna make your dink swell
Then spew all over the room With Mr. Jeffery Goldblum And dance, like you just shit your pants
Mr. Belvedere, fatty, fatty Finger in his own rear Bernard King, basketball, basketball Showing off his ding-a-ling
Swimming Mark Spitz Mustache, mustache Playing with his hairy tits Big Earl Weaver, Tommy Seaver Both of them got the boogie fever
You can, do the hustle with seven-footer Billy Russell Do the fucking hustle, jerking your love muscle Shake your big, round ass with the ghost of Mama Cass Blast from the past, the ghost of Mama Cass
Dry-hump the floor with Mary Tyler-Moore Pump it sore Squeeze your nipple like baldy Mr. Whipple Drink some Ripple
Give it a hearty whack With TV great Victor Tayback When you give it a whack Don't hurt the nut-sack
So if the thought of grooving is bringing you down Come to the funkiest place in town The stars will show you how to move And dance, like you just shit your pants