Princeton: Say, Kate, can I ask you a question?
Kate Monster: Sure!
Princeton: Well, you know Trekkie Monster upstairs?
Kate Monster: Uh huh.
Princeton: Well, he's Trekkie Monster, and you're Kate Monster.
Kate Monster: Right.
Princeton: You're both Monsters.
Kate Monster: Yeah.
Princeton: Are you two related?
Kate Monster: What?! Princeton, I'm surprised at you! I find that racist!
Princeton: Oh, well, I'm sorry! I was just asking!
Kate Monster: Well, it's a touchy subject. No, not all Monsters are related. What are you trying say, huh? That we all look the same to you? Huh, huh, huh?
Princeton: No, no, no, not at all. I'm sorry, I guess that was a little racist.
Kate Monster: I should say so. You should be much more careful when you're talking about the sensitive subject of race.
Princeton: Well, look who's talking!
Kate Monster: What do you mean?
Princeton: What about that special Monster School you told me about?
Kate Monster: What about it?
Princeton: Could someone like me go there?
Kate Monster: No, we don't want people like you-
Princeton: You see?!
You're a little bit racist.
Kate Monster: Well, you're a little bit too.
Princeton: I guess we're both a little bit racist.
Kate Monster: Admitting it is not an easy thing to do...
Princeton: But I guess it's true.
Kate Monster: Between me and you, I think
Both: Everyone's a little bit racist Sometimes. Doesn't mean we go Around committing hate crimes. Look around and you will find No one's really color blind. Maybe it's a fact We all should face Everyone makes judgments Based on race.
Princeton: Now not big judgments, like who to hire or who to buy a newspaper from -
Kate Monster: No!
Princeton: No, just little judgments like thinking that Mexican busboys should learn to speak goddamn English!
Kate Monster: Right!
Both: Everyone's a little bit racist Today. So, everyone's a little bit racist Okay! Ethinic jokes might be uncouth, But you laugh because They're based on truth. Don't take them as Personal attacks. Everyone enjoys them - So relax!
Princeton: All right, stop me if you've heard this one.
Kate Monster: Okay!
Princeton: There's a plan going down and there's only one paracute. And there's a rabbi, a priest...
Kate Monster: And a black guy!
Gary Coleman: Whatchoo talkin' 'bout Kate?
Kate Monster: Uh...
Gary Coleman: You were telling a black joke!
Princeton: Well, sure, Gary, but lots of people tell black jokes.
Gary Coleman: I don't.
Princeton: Well, of course you don't - you're black! But I bet you tell Polack jokes, right?
Gary Coleman: Well, sure I do. Those stupid Polacks!
Princeton: Now, don't you think that's a little racist? [ From: http://www.metrolyrics.com/everyones-a-little-bit-racist-lyrics-avenue-q.html ]
Gary Coleman: Well, damn, I guess you're right.
Kate Monster: You're a little bit racist.
Gary Coleman: Well, you're a little bit too.
Princeton: We're all a little bit racist.
Gary Coleman: I think that I would Have to agree with you.
Princeton/Kate Monster: We're glad you do.
Gary Coleman: It's sad but true! Everyone's a little bit racist -
Kate Monster: All right!
Princeton: All right!
Gary Coleman: All right! Bigotry has never been Exclusively white
All: If we all could just admit That we are racist a little bit, Even though we all know That it's wrong, Maybe it would help us Get along.
Princeton: Oh, Christ do I feel good.
Gary Coleman: Now there was a fine upstanding black man!
Gary Coleman: Jesus Christ.
Kate Monster: But, Gary, Jesus was white.
Gary Coleman: No, Jesus was black.
Kate Monster: No, Jesus was white.
Gary Coleman: No, I'm pretty sure that Jesus was black-
Princeton: Guys, guys...Jesus was Jewish!
Brian: Hey guys, what are you laughing about?
Gary Coleman: Racism!
Christmas Eve: BRIAN! Come back here! You take out lecycuraburs!
Princeton: What's that mean?
Brian: Um, recyclables. Hey, don't laugh at her! How many languages do you speak?
Kate Monster: Oh, come off it, Brian! Everyone's a little bit racist.
Brian: I'm not!
Princeton: Oh no?
How many Oriental wives Have you got?
Christmas Eve: What? Brian!
Princeton: Brian, buddy, where you been? The term is Asian-American!
Christmas Eve: I know you are no Intending to be But calling me Oriental - Offensive to me!
Brian: I'm sorry, honey, I love you.
Christmas Eve: And I love you.
Brian: But you're racist, too.
Christmas Eve: Yes, I know. The Jews have all The money And the whites have all The power. And I'm always in taxi-cab With driver who no shower!
Princeton: Me too!
Kate Monster: Me too!
Gary Coleman: I can't even get a taxi!
All: Everyone's a little bit racist It's true. But everyone is just about As racist as you! If we all could just admit That we are racist a little bit, And everyone stopped being So PC Maybe we could live in - Harmony!
Christmas Eve: Evlyone's a ritter bit lacist!