Ladies and gentleman, my name is Macklemore, this is my music and it feels so damn good right about now. Check it I got a story, yo it goes a little something like...
When I was 17 I was staying in NYC
And my homie told me where I could get a fake Id
"Aiyo son you better get that shit when you in NY"
So I hopped on the subway and I gave it a try
Plesant surprise the Id looked fine
5'9, blues eyes, born in 1979
Nervous as hell I went to the store with my homie
Came out and yelled "Dawg they sold me a 40"
You know that I was the man
Buying the contraband with a fake ass hologram
No more looking for bums, standing in the rain
Stranded on Broadway and giving 'em all my change
For the rest of the summer man I was on fades
17, had it made, getting drunk everyday
Eh, I got treated a whole new way
Because of a piece of plastic that proved I was of age
You know what I'm saying, all of a sudden you get this little piece of plastic and you're in the club.
Now for the next three years I had so much fun
Getting drunk in Hip-Hop clubs where you had to be 21
Then one day I was walking and I saw a sign
That said KRS-One 21 up and live
That's hella tight
Aiyo I heard he always ripped it
So I hopped up in my Civic and went out to by a ticket
When I got up the the door the bouncer checking Id's
Looks at mine and he's like "Nah we don't take these"
I tried to reach and grab my shit back
But the mother fucker was tougher than Shaq, on crack
I should of punched him, but I would have reached his knee cap
And that probably wouldn't have hurt him very much
He kept laughing and smilin' and he called me a dumb shit
And if I would of let myself I would have cried in public
Oh no, I'm like give it back bro
But no, my Id was jacked by the Caucasian Deebo
Ha I'm laughing right now but at the time it really was not funny and it's still not very funny. Fucker
Bitch why you got to take my Id?
Why do I have to be 21 to drink a Long Island Ice tea?
I hate bouncers with their bald heads and ten foot long legs and shirts that they outgrew when they were like ten
Your mother is dumb for having you
You're a bouncer because you have a small dick and as a kid everyone laughed at you
You're too big and you never seemed to listen
You look injected with the shit they give to KFC chickens
I don't like ya, at all I despise you
If I was tall I would fight you
If I was a dog I would bite you
Every single day you make people cry
And your job is to go and ruin teenager's lives
Ok I'm going too far bouncers aren't all bad
I'm sure they make great husbands and really strong dads
But hopefully you learned a lesson from me
Never take an MC's fake Id
Yup, I said never take an MC's fake Id
You could be buff and tough, it don't matter to me
'Cause you're going to get burned if you step to MCs