Christmas dinner is done!
It's time for a show on the living room floor.
I make my cousin Allison sing 'Michael Row the Boat Ashore.'
And then I make my cousin Roddy (?) play 'Greensleeves' on the drums,
Knowing full well that nobody wants to hear 'Greensleeves' on the drums.
I plan all this riff raff before me,
Making it harder for my family not to adore me
When I enter dressed as a lovable Christmas elf,
And, oh yeah
I've given the eleven o'clock number to myself.
Give me your attention please;
It's what I want and what I'm looking for!
Ladys and G's your attention please!
Now that it's here I'm gonna get some more!
I take my crayons -
The purples, browns, and blues -
The perfect colors to draw on an attention-getting bruise.
I give myself a beautiful, big black eye.
And when my dad comes in I spin a lie as I cry
That this mean girl at school grabbed my arm
When I was trying to tie my shoelace.
And when I pulled my hand back,
I pulled it so hard that I hit myself in the face.
And he believes me,
And I totally got his attention.
Every day after kindergarten
Mrs. Thornton picks me up.
Mrs. Thornton's our next door neighbor;
She gives me juice in a Dixie cup.
My parents make me stay with her -
I'm sure they give her money.
And she's a nice enough lady,
But her house smells a little funny.
And she's always taking naps,
So I'm always pretty bored.
Through a hole in her fence,
I can see my own backyard,
And I wanna get there.
Mrs. Thornton's snoring in the hammock,
And I'm getting kinda mad,
So I see this as my chance to get back at Mom and Dad.
So I wander into her kitchen.
I am lonely and I'm annoyed.
Her linoleum floor stretches out for a mile.
And I'm not leaving until I see it destroyed.
I pour bleach all over the floor,
Then I pour salt all over the bleach.
Then I make sure the door locks,
As I dance around Ms. Thornton's
The air is full of Clorox,
And the ground is full of Morton's Salt.
But it's not my fault that no one was paying attention.
So I sneak out the front door,
And I walk home to my house.
And later that night my mom's washing my hair in the tub.
The phone rings and then my heart stops right in mid-scrub.
She leaves the bathroom for a moment, then comes back.
"Did you leave Mrs. Thornton's house today?"
"Did you pour bleach and salt on her kitchen floor?"
Then she shakes her head, and she leaves me alone in the tub.
And now the shampoo's dripping down.
And it burns I should mention,
That it really doesn't matter cause at least I got her attention.
I want more opportunities to stand out from the crowd!
"Give me your attention please!" I shout it loud and proud
I don't know why I need it or what I want attention for!
But I know that when I get it I just want attention more!
And one day what I am waiting for will finally be clear to me.
I don't know when,
But I know then all this need will end.