Master In The House Lyrics

Thenardier: My band of soaks, my den of dissolute's My dirty jokes, my always pissed as newts My sons of whores spend their lives in my inn, Homing pigeons homing in They fly through my doors, And they crawl out on all fours!
Drinkers: Ain't got a clue what he put into this stew, Must've scraped it off the street. God what a wine, Chateauneuf du Turpentine, Must've pressed it with his feet! Landlord over here Where's the bloody man? One more for the road, One more slug of gin! Just one more or my old man is gonna do me in...
Thenardier: Welcome, Monsieur, sit yourself down And meet the best innkeeper in town As for the rest, all of 'em crooks! Rooking their guests and crooking the books Seldom do you see Honest men like me A gent of good intent Who's content to be
Master of the house, doling out the charm Ready with a handshake and an open palm Tells a saucy tale, makes a little stir Customers appreciate a bon viveur Glad to do a friend a favor Doesn't cost me to be nice But nothing gets you nothing Everything has got a little price!
Master of the house, keeper of the zoo Ready to relieve 'em of a sou or two Watering the wine, making up the weight Pickin' up their knick-knacks when they can't see straight Everybody loves a landlord Everybody's bosom friend I do whatever pleases Jesus! Won't I bleed 'em in the end!
Thenardier & Drinkers: Master of the house, quick to catch yer eye Never wants a passerby to pass him by Servant to the poor, butler to the great Comforter, philosopher, and lifelong mate! Everybody's boon companion Everybody's chaperone
Thenardier But lock up your valises Jesus! Won't I skin you to the bone!
Enter Monsieur, lay down your load Unlace your boots, and rest from the road This weighs a ton, travel's a curse But here we strive to lighten your purse Here the goose is cooked Here the fat is fried And nothing's overlooked Till I'm satisfied!
Food beyond compare. Food beyond belief Mix it in a mincer and pretend it's beef [ From: http://www.metrolyrics.com/master-in-the-house-lyrics-les-miserables.html ] Kidney of a horse, liver of a cat Filling up the sausages with this and that Residents are more than welcome Bridal suite is occupied Reasonable charges Plus some little extras on the side!
Charge 'em for the lice, extra for the mice Two percent for looking in the mirror twice! Here a little slice, there a little cut Three percent for sleeping with the window shut When it comes to fixing prices, There are a lot of tricks I know How it all increases, all them bits and pieces Jesus! It's amazing how it grows!
Thenardier & Chorus: Master of the house, quick to catch yer eye Never wants a passerby to pass him by Servant to the poor, butler to the great Comforter, philosopher, and lifelong mate! Everybody's boon companion Gives 'em everything he's got
Thenardier: Dirty bunch of geezers Jesus! What a sorry little lot!
Mme. Thenardier: I used to dream that I would meet a prince, But God Almighty, have you seen what's happened since?
Master of the house? Isn't worth my spit! Comforter, philosopher' and lifelong shit! Cunning little brain, regular Voltaire Thinks he's quite a lover but there's not much there What a cruel trick of nature, landed me with such a louse God knows how I've lasted, Living with this bastard in the house!
Thenardier & Drinkers: Master of the house!
Mme. Thenardier: Master and a half!
Thenardier & Drinkers: Comforter, philosopher
Mme. Thenardier: Ah, don't make me laugh!
Thenardier & Drinkers: Servant to the poor, butler to the great
Mme. Thenardier: Hypocrite and toady and inebriate!
Thenardier & Drinkers: Everybody bless the landlord! Everybody bless his spouse!
Thenardier: Everybody raise a glass
Mme. Thenardier: Raise it up the master's ass
All Everybody raise a glass to the Master of the House!