Lyrical Advice For Beyonce and Jay-Z's Unborn Superchild


Being a parent is probably one of the scariest things in the world. Seriously. Parenting should've been a challenge on Fear Factor, because what's more frightening than being entirely responsible for someone's life?


When you're a parent, there comes a time when you realize that a good chunk of your offspring's quality of life comes from the direction and advice you give them. No pressure, right? Lucky for newly expectant parents, Beyonce and Jay-Z, they've already got stock advice for their little superchild in their lyrics.


1. Big Pimpin'- Jay-Z


Many chicks wanna put Jigga's fists in cuffs / Divorce him and split his bucks


I know it's almost sacrilegious to imagine Jay-Z and Beyonce with anyone else but each other, but let's face it; it happened. These lyrics speak on how Jay-Z most likely had his fair share of groupies who probably only wanted to be with him for his money. This was long before Kanye West was around to shout "We want prenup!"


What can we take away from this? Don't marry for money, marry for love! And if you're rich, make sure you buy yourself the most up to date gold digger radar. 


2. '03 Bonnie and Clyde - Jay-Z feat. Beyonce


She do anything necessary for him / And I do anything necessary for her / So don't let the necessary occur


So this one's pretty obvious: if you love someone enough, you're willing to do anything for them. There's no doubt in my mind that the '03 Bonnie and Clyde, Hov and B, would have each other's backs if things got a little rough.


The advice here? Respect your significant other, let 'em know you got their back, and maybe they'll repay you with a $5 million ring or the world's fastest car.


3. Ego - Beyonce


Some call it arrogance / I call it confidence


Here, Mama Beyonce is letting her little one know that it's totally cool to be confident. Jay and Bey's offspring most likely won't have any problems with confidence (seriously, can you imagine this kid bringing their mom or dad to "Career Day"), but it's always nice to have some reassurance. 


4. Beyonce - Countdown


There's ups and downs in this love / Got a lot to learn in this love / Through the good and the bad, still got love


Beyonce and Jay-Z make their relationship look so easy. They're always smiling in paparazzi pictures, sittin courtside at basketball games, strollin' the beach, or just straight up goofin' off (stars they're just like us!), but things aren't always so care-free and easy! Hova and Beyonce are maybe the busiest people in the world, so they have to work pretty hard at making sure they get enough alone time together. 


The wisdom in these lyrics? Love can be tough, but it's worth the struggle.


5. Jay-Z - 99 Problems


If you don't like my lyrics you can press fast forward


Yeah, easy for you to say, Jay-Z! You've already sold 50 million records worldwide! 


Okay, okay, okay, there's actually some sound advice here: F*** the haters. Look out for numero uno, and if someone doesn't respect you for who you are, that's their problem. It's your life, right?



Not that Mini Bay-Z is really going to need much advice, since fancy footwork, golden vocal chords and a mogul mind are already ingrained in his/her DNA, but at least us commoners can still use this lyrical wisdom for our future lil guys. On second thought, I'm applying all of these to my life ASAP. 


-al


P.S. Have y'all check this twitter account yet? Can't believe I'm jealous of someone who's not even born yet. Here's what the baby might look like once it comes into the world...