Classical Teacher Lyrics

by Tenacious D

J: Hey Kage
K: Jables
J: How goes it man?
K: Sgood sgood
J: Yknow I been thinking a lot about it, and um, I just want us to be the best fucking band in the world.
K: Well yeah me too!
J: Theres no point in doing it if were not the best.
K: Well strue. I agree with that.
J: I mean what, yeah were gonna be, yeah were really good. Were like almost as good as Arcade Fire, fuck that.
K: Yeah
J: We gotta leave those fuckers in the dust!
K: What, what do you..
J: All those fucking youngsters gotta lick our fucking boot or fuck it! Yknow what I mean?
K: Yeah! Yeah, well what, how do we do that though?
J: *sigh* Dude you need to fucking have some lessons.
K: What!
J: I know, youre really good but you gotta expand your game.
K: Lessons!
J: Yknow how Koby in the off season would go and like, learn a fucking, yknow a Texas Two-Step or something, to add to his arsenal?
K: Man, yeah, thats true. Thats true.
J: Well Ive just been noticing some of your classic riffs are a little sloppy.
K: Really?
J: And I, I hope youre not pissed off at me but I went ahead and hired a dude.
K: Yeah? Oh no, what!
J: Dude, just give it a chance will you? If you dont like- ah hey! I swear, if you dont like it well fucking fire his ass. Hes out.
K: Who is this guy? I never
J: His name is Felix Char (?)
K: Urgh, what.
J: Hes from Spain and he is the best.
K: Oh god
J: I got him from the fucking London Phildsarmonic. (Meant to be Philharmonic)
K: Urgh, I just, I dont know him, it seems weird!
J: Will you just, will you just spend a minute with him?
K: OK. Alright. Ill spend a minute with him.
J: OK bro, hes right outside Im sending him in.
K: Oh god, OK. Why? Lessons, so stupid.
F: Hello?
K: Uh, hi!
F: Hello, I am Felix Char.
K: Hi, uh. Felix? Yeah, um.
F: Ah, as, Jack as asked me to spend some time with you. Uh.
K: OK, hm.
F: One on one. So, while Jack is outside, ah we will work on your technique.
K: OK.
F: Can I see you pick up, is this your guitar here?
K: Yup. Yeah, I gotta it, I gotta it right over here.
F: Ah, it is a Fender ay? Is this a Fender?
K: Ah well its a Gibson.
F: Yes a Gibson, yes. Made by the same, uh, manufacturer. Pick it up please, can you pick it up?
K: OK. Yeah.
F: No, no, no, d-d-d-d-d-d-d bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap!
K: What? Whatd I do? Whatd I do?
F: You pick it up from the neck! This is not the way you pick up a guitar!
K: I just picked it up, I just-
F: No,no, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, cllate tu bocar, pick it up from the body.
K: The what!
F: The body.
K: Oh the body! Body, OK.
F: Im sorry about my accent.
K: I didnt know, I didnt know.
F: Now listen to me. I want you to play, like it is a woman. You go and play the guitar now. Play.
K: Uh, OK? Uh.
F: No, no, no, no, no. You, your fingers. Your fingers are too tight.
K: Theyre too tight?
F: Yes, let me get behind you. Like this, you see?
K: Oh! Hn.
F: If I put my finger, on your finger.
K: Hey!
F: Then you can feel
K: I can! Wait!
F: Sh, sh, sh, sh, shu! Finger to your mouth. I put my finger on your mouth, on your lips.
K: Mhmhm!
F: Yes thats good.
K: Hey man!
F: Now listen hey, you want to play like an orgasm.
K: Im just try- what!?
F: Feel this. Do you feel that?
K: Oh god! This is really weird man!
F: Thats my cock.
K: WHAT!
F: Thats my cock in your butt cheeks.
K: OH GOD! Hey!
F: Do you feel it?
K: NO!
F: Now Im going to tough your cock.
K: OW!
F: Let me touch your penis.
J: Its me!
K: WHAT?!
J: Its me. Its JB.
K: GOD!
J: Theres no Felix dude.
K: What are you doing?!
J: IM FUCKING WAKING YOU UP! IM TRYING TO SHAKE YOUR FOUNDATIONS!
K: By touching me with your penis?!
J: YES! By fucking touching your penis! Whatever it takes!
K: God!
J: Thats all Im saying dude! Im making a point! Lets get fucking serious! Lets get physical! Alright. Lets take it from the top.