The question was raised to me the other day
why I seem to always have joy.
Well I'd like to take time to set the record straight.
All the joy I've ever known has disappeared...
Uh, into motherfuckin' thin air.
Like it's never even been there.
My joy done left me y'all.
Shit I never hang my head man.
And God's rain water flow through the same gutter
that we walk today, gotta stay brave brotha.
Keep you your lip stiff, keep your fist clenched.
At times you gotta kick your way through this bitch.
And I can't stop feelin' guilty smilin'.
A wise man once told me that every cloud has a silver linin'.
I wanted to believe him but its a trick to find em'
when the people around me continue dyin'.
Grandad was in the twilight of his life
when he closed his eyes tight and opened his wrists wide.
What make a tenth round fighter with a winning score
decide he need to throw the towel before the whistle blow?
Maybe I'll never know, but I inherited his poetic soul
so the sybolism's yet to show.
Is life so obscene that death's more serine?
Or was an old auther trying to write his own closing scene?
Nothin stings like knowin that the woman who gave me this life is being eaten from the inside.
I thought we'd never make shit right.
I wish I'd have viewed it once clear
before you were done here.
That's two in one year that I let leave here,
lovin' me, without shedding one single tear.
Either I'm one of the strongest people left
or ya'll should stone me for even trying to steal breath.
They say "Shit, scrapper, you all by yourself ain't ya?"
Damn straight, I got a jail cell nature.
Been boxed up but I've never been settled in.
Then got tough, started developing leather skin.
I learned to make that face that tells predators
it's better to reassess just who you bout to wrestle with.
I'm on one like the first kick drum of the beat.
Clear my lungs, spit blood on the street.
They tellin me we got nothing to fear but fear itself
but I fear I have no human fear left.
Someday I'm gonna wanna peel back these calluses
and really feel life again and that where my challenge is.
I've been kickin and bitin for so long
that when they throw me a rescue rope I'll be too weary to hold on
and see the light. So I sing through the tears
in the key of life, the way a wounded ego might.
My joy done left me ya'll.
She don't show her face around these parts.
Every time she come she gets chased off,
so she stays distant.
If it weren't for me squintin he wouldn't know the sun was out.
I hate every word that come out of his fuckin mouth.
Ladies treat him special, don't know nothin bout him.
If they saw what his wife see they wouldn't fuss about him.
He can't do shit right but rap and make babies
and babies need daddy at home consistent,
but rap keep daddy on the road religious.
So even in my two loves my soul is so conflicted.
My son came into this world innocent
and he deserves everything that needs to live in it.
And this home I made for him is broken,
I'm hopin his love for me will never grow thin.
It hurts daddy to know and to know when
you were cryin at the hospital I'm out tryin to rock a show.
I made a vow that we'd never be broke again
and I'd never be a burden on another friend.
So when I've sweated on my farewell stage,
when I've wrote my last hook in my last rhyme book,
when I get the last nod of approval from my family,
this is the man I have to be.
Sometimes I feel like I'm almost gone. You ever felt that way?