Blue Cyclone, Oooh...
Well my wife went out of town 'bout a year or so back
And left me at home by myself to batch,
And after five straight nights of TV I was ready to scream.
So I called up this beer drinkin' buddy of mine
And said, "Bill, I ain't havin' a real good time."
He said, "Why don't we go to the wrasslin' matches and let off
a little steam?"
Now I'd never seen the matches before
And by the time we reached that arena door,
The crowd was already backed up plumb out into the street.
Yeah, people were pushin' and shovin' like cattle,
Just gettin' in line was a heck of a battle,
We had to fight like the devil, but we finally got ring-side seats.
Well, we bought a program as we passed through the door,
Went to section D, seats 3 and 4
And about that time, the announcer stepped into the ring.
He said, "Tonight's the greatest card ever been signed,
We got a tag-team match that'll blow yer mind!"
Then they lowered the lights and the crowd began to scream.
He introduced the Spider from parts unknown,
With his trusty partner, The Blue Cyclone.
They were takin' on a team that never had been beat.
Then the ref checked 'em over and the rules were explained,
And somebody hollered, "THE SPIDER'S GOT A CHAIN!"
And then in came the Vulture, with his manager Sneaky Pete.
Well they rang the bell and all Hell broke loose,
My legs was shakin' like a rubber goose
I'd never seen anything like this, not even in the war!
The Cyclone put the Vulture in an airplane spin
Then he body slammed him, and then he did it again
I swear I didn't see how that 'ol boy could take much more.
There was this little old lady right next to me
If she was a day, she was eighty three
But she raised more Cain than any man I'd ever seen!
She screamed and cursed in the Cyclone's face
'Til they carried her out like a basket case.
And then the police came and formed a circle 'round the ring.
It was right about then in the thick of things
That my buddy Bill threw a chair in the ring
And I knew we'd better be headin' for the door.
'Cause I saw the Cyclone lookin' at us
And he was rubbin' his head and he's startin' to cuss
And I knew if he caught us he'd break Bill's neck for sure.
Well, where we parked wasn't too far
And Bill ran so fast he beat me to the car,
Locked the doors and wasn't about to let anyone in.
And I turned around and the Cyclone was there
And he said, "Hey punk, you forgot your chair!"
And by the look in his eyes, I knew that this was the end.
So I screamed 'WATCH IT PAL! I RUN A SCHOOL
WHERE I TEACH KARATE AND JU JITSU!'
But before I could finish, he gave my teeth a rake
Then he jumped real high in the air
And both feet caught me with a Flying Mary
Tell me then how that wrasslin's fake!
Then he body slammed me two or three times
And he put his arms around me from behind
Then he pile-drived me right there in the hard concrete.
Broke both my arms and three of my ribs
It's the closest I've ever come to being killed
And that's the last thing I remember 'fore he put me to sleep
He's the meanest rascal the ring has ever known
He'll make you groan, he'll make you moan,
He'll lay you prone and break your bones