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The I Interview Lyrics

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Gary-Owens-Voice (GOV) guy comes onscreen, whipping out his lower-case "i" from a briefcase and he has a dialogue with a Rude Off-screen Voice (ROV):
GOV: Hi-ho everyone, I bet you don't know what this is.
ROV: It looks like a small L with a ball on top.
GOV: Well, golly-gee, I never thought of it, but it does look something like an L with a ball on top.
ROV: Not something like, exactly like! You have the mind of a flea!
GOV: Quiet down now. This is the letter I. Many words start with the letter I.
ROV: (rudely mocking him) "Many words start with the letter I!"
GOV: And the one that springs to my mind is -- "Impolite." Now we don't want to be impolite. (pause.) That means being rude, or discourteous, or having no manners.
ROV: (smart-alecky): Tell us all about it, bright boy!
GOV: Excuse me. (He walks off-stage; there comes several seconds of a loud scuffle, the suitcase bounces around. The GOV guy returns.) Try not to be impolite. And thank you for your time.

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