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Toll Booth Willie Lyrics

from They're All Gonna Laugh At You!

"Toll Booth Willie" is track #10 on the album They're All Gonna Laugh At You!.
"Toll Booth Willie" is track #10 on the album They're All Gonna Laugh At You!.

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[Car approaches]
Toll Booth Willie: "Welcome to Worchester. Dollar twenty-five please."
M1: "Hey, how ya doin' Toll Booth Willie?"
Toll Booth Willie: "Good! Thanks fer askin, pop!"
M1: "Aww, that's great, you know, considering yer a fuckin' idiot!"
[Pays toll and drives off]
Toll Booth Willie: "Go fuck yourself you son of a bitch! I'll come right
outta the booth and fuckin' whack ya, you fuckin' prick!"
[Another car approaches]
M2: "Hey, hey, Willie! Hows it going?"
Toll Booth Willie: "Hey, can't complain, pop. Hows 'bout you?"
M2: "Oh, great, great. How much?"
Toll Booth Willie: "The state charges a dollar twenty-five, pop."
M2: "That's fine. Now should I give you the money, or should I shove the
quarters directly up your fat ass!?"
[Pays toll and drives off]
Toll Booth Willie: "Why you fuckin' hard on! I'll fucking Carlton Fisk
yer fuckin' head with a Louise-ville fuckin' slugger! Whadya think of
that ass fuck!?"
[Another car approaches]
F1: "Hi Willie."
Toll Booth Willie: "Oh, nice to see ya M'am. Not a bad day, huh?"
F1: "Well, I'm a little lost. Could you help me out? I hear your the
best with directions."
Toll Booth Willie: "Well I know my way around New England. I can tell ya
that much. So where ya headed?"
F1: "Well, I was just wondering exactly which is the best way to drive
up your ass. You know, if you'd tell me, I'd appreciate it, you fuckin'
prick."
[Drives off]
Toll Booth Willie: "You fuckin' bitch! Fuck you! You forgot to pay the
fuckin' toll you dirty whore! I'll fuckin' drop you with a boot to the
fuckin' skull you cum guzzling queen!"
[Another car approaches]
M3: "Hey Willie."
Toll Booth Willie: "Hey, how are ya?"
M3: "Here's a dollar twenty-five, and go fuck yourself."
[Pays toll and drives off]
Toll Booth Willie: "Dah, you fuckin' prick! I hope you choke on a
fuckin' bottle cap, ya fuckin' son of a fuck! Eat shit! Eat my shit!"
[Another car approaches]
Bishop Nelson: "Hello Willie. Good to see you."
Toll Booth Willie: "Ahhh, Bishop Nelson. Nice to see ya. That was quite
a sermon you had the other day."
Bishop Nelson: "Hey, well I do my best."
Toll Booth Willie: "Dollar twenty-five, Bishop."
Bishop Nelson: "Dollar twenty-five, Willie. Isn't that the same price
your mother charges for a blow job, you piece of dog shit!?"
[Pays toll and drives off]
Toll Booth Willie: "Ohhh! Have another one, you fuckin' lush! It's not
my fault the bartender cut ya off last night ya fuckin' douche bag!"
[Another car approaches]
M5: "Hey!"
Toll Booth Willie: "Well hey!"
M5: "Yeah, do you want the money, or should I just shove the quarters
directly up your fat ass!?"
[Pays toll and drives off]
Toll Booth Willie: "Well, I already heard that one you fuckin'
unoriginal bastard! Go suck a
corn you fuckin' piece of repeatin' shit!"
[Another car approaches]
F2: "Hi."
Toll Booth Willie: "Oh, hi. How are ya?"
F2: "Fine, thank you. How much is the toll please?"
Toll Booth Willie: "For you sweetheart, it's a dollar twenty-five."
F2: "Here ya go."
[Pays toll]
F2: "Thank you."
[Begins to drive off]
Toll Booth Willie: "Hey! Hey! Honey! Would you like a receipt with
that?"
F2: "Oh, I almost forgot. Thank you so much."
[Toll Booth Willie scribbling a receipt for her]
Toll Booth Willie: "And here ya are."
F2: "Umm, do you think you could sign it?"
Toll Booth Willie: "Oh, uh.. sign it?"
F2: "Yeah, sign Toll Booth Willie was here."
Toll Booth Willie: "Ok, sure. Uhh, by the way, what is this for?"
[Signing receipt]
F2: "Just so I could have proof for my friends that I met the biggest
fuckin' dip shit with the smallest dick alive. You understand."
[Drives off]
[Crumples up paper]
Toll Booth Willie: "Fuck you, you fuckin' upity bitch! I'll fuckin' fuck
you and all your lesbian fish-eating friends in front of your fuckin'
mothers! You're gonna die, bitch! I'm comin' outta the booth!" [Opens
the door and runs out of the booth]
[Car screeches and hits him]
Toll Booth Willie: "Ooooh! My fuckin' leg!"
M6: "Hey! You ran over Toll Booth Willie!"
M7: "Oh my God! I was always wondering what it would be like to run over
a dried up stinky dick licker."
Toll Booth Willie: "Why you fuckin' pricks. I fuckin' hear every fuckin'
word yer saying!
When this fuckin' leg heals, I'm gonna kick you guys new fuckin'
assholes!
[Everyone cussing eachother out]

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