(Jorma) Hey yo, new Lonely Island, 2011, let's get 'em Kiv!
(Akiva) Hey yo my dick don't work, that shit is soft as a pillow,
My girly lookin' at me like
You for real dude?
(Jorma) Hey yo, hold up, hold up. We gotta come harder than that. Yo, tell 'em Andy...
(Andy) I think there might be something wrong with my dick,
It's like a melted stick of butter
So soft that it can't fill a rubber
(Jorma) Hey yo, come on man, this is Lonely Island. People are countin' on us. I gotta write all these motherfuckers myself-
Hey yo, I think I broke my dick in the sink,
It's so small and ugly,
All smashed and flat like it was playin' rugby,
Hold up, hold up, this is serious. Kiv, let 'em know.
(Akiva) Yo for real though, I suffer from stinky dick
Every time I take a piss it smells just like shit
(Jorma) Ha ha, yeah, that's what I'm talking about. Andy, show 'em how it's done.
(Andy) My dick looks like the fat that you cut off a steak,
Smashed in like my balls went and stepped on a rake,
(Jorma) Lonely Island, Grammy-nominated, yeah! Hit 'em again.
(Akiva) Yo, straight out the box with my soggy little shrimp,
I was an eight year old girl before the doctor found my dick.
(Jorma) We make too much money for this shit! Murder music...
(Andy) I shit the bed cause my dick played a prank on my butt,
Straight crept when I slept and stuck a laxative up!
(Jorma) Depository music! What y'all know about incontinence?
(Akiva) I got Hepatitis C from a horse, but no confusion,
It wasn't from the sex, it was the blood transfusion!
(Jorma) What?! Motherfucker got horse blood! What y'all got?
(Andy) I write freaky fan-fiction where cartoons fuck!
Got CGI Garfield licking Marmaduke's nuts!
(Jorma) Wooo! I would like to see that! This that Garfield sex music! Now y'all just showing off! Preach.
(Akiva) I got a friend named Reggie who lives down at the dump,
Every other week I swing by to bring him some lunch!
(Jorma) Oh! Now that just sounds nice! Imma call it right there. Game over, motherfuckers. Lonely Island, we started this fake-rap shit. The world needs us!